no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
