you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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