walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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