saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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