You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
