She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
