I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
