i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
