this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
