So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
