Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
