I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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