Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
