I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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