I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
