I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
