my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
