Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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