Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
