Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
