Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
