she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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