I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
