Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
