We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
