I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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