just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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