There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had to cum in my sink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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