But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
