You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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