My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
