i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How external is "for external use only"?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
