I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
