what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
