actually, I'm a sock model
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize