i think i have herpe
just one?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it because I queefed?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
