So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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