Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
