he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize