After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
