We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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