Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
