She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
