Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
