went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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