i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
