Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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