Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
