Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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