Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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