whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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