I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
