Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
