Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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