I'm gonna have a badass scar
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
