All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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