The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
