I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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