That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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