He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
