even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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