Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
