Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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