dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
