haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
