Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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