please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
