why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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