So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
